Dr. Kenney’s Friday 5 Spot
On Fridays I like to share experiences I’ve had during the week with patients and in my personal life that I’ve found significant. I share these in the hope that you might find value in them and have something that resonates with you in your life.
An analogy I like. I have a car wash membership that allows me to go as many times per month as I’d like for a set price. I’m there a few times per week and love keeping my vehicle neat and looking clean. However, if I were to spend all that time keeping my ride clean and looking nice but showed up to work each day looking unkempt, dirty, and like I had not showered in days, it would be odd. People may wonder why it was important to me to set forth a high standard for a machine yet not for myself. As a chiropractor, I can tell you that this happens all the time.
As people, we often go to great lengths to ensure we have top of the line “things” in our lives and then take great care of them. There is nothing wrong with that, but in my experience, we often do not pay ourselves the same respect. If we are not diligent and intentional, it becomes easy to neglect ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Interestingly, we would never allow this to happen to our cars or homes for example. The important part to understand is that if the things around us that we value require attention, maintenance, and care; so too do we but to a greater degree. Therefore, we should put steps in place to maintain our bodies and minds in a way that allows us to thrive rather than just survive and wait for things to break down.
Something to try. Something that I feel is crucial in life is decisiveness. This is the ability to evaluate a situation, weigh the options, and then confidently move forward in a direction. A test that I enjoy giving to those around me is when we go to a restaurant and receive our menus, I tell them that a decisive person will know what they want within 30 seconds. This may sound silly, but there are likely to be multiple items that sound appealing to you, thus quickly assessing what is available and choosing a dish is a benign yet interesting experiment. I love challenging myself and others in simple tests like this because I see it as a form of training.
We face many decisions each day from what to wear, eat, do with our time, etc. When we over-think or stress over the small choices we make, it trains us to doubt ourselves. Then, when it’s time to decide something major such as where to work, who to marry, where to live, what college to attend, or more; it’s daunting. Therefore, whether it’s a menu, what workout to do, what to eat for breakfast, which book to buy, or anything else; train yourself to select quickly. As simple as this may be, it will train you to be a more decisive person when it matters most.
Something that I’ve learned. When I go through my toughest times, I have a two-stage process that I’ve seemed to follow. This has been true during 100-mile runs, the breakdown of my first marriage, being a single dad with no money after a divorce, starting over in my career after a move across the country, and even the sudden deaths of cherished loved ones. The first stage I tend to go through is what I call the “poor me phase.” This is where everything seems unfair, daunting, creates a lack of confidence, is filled with doubt, and every horrible feeling imaginable seems to attack at once. This period is not fun, but it leads me into the next phase.
The second stage is one of defiance that I call the “they can’t break me” phase. This is when I let all those horrible feelings blossom into something better. I tell myself that I care too much not to try, and that I’d rather die than quit or keep feeling sorry for myself. All the negative energy I’ve felt gets recycled into something positive, productive, and worthwhile. Interestingly, I can’t skip the first step and be as great. I need to work through those tougher feelings and use them as fuel to remain determined, motivated, and hungry. If you are going through demanding times, do not run from them. Let yourself feel it all in vivid detail but make sure you do not let it keep you down. Use what hurts you to power you on toward brighter days and greater successes.
Something I believe. “I don’t feel like it,” “I’m not really motivated right now,” “It’s just not fun for me,” or “I don’t really like doing that.” Are phrases I hear often. They are said when people want to forgo habits or actions for their health, work, relationships, etc. that can be challenging yet worth it. What I like to tell people when they say these things to me is that if my day revolved around what I liked to do, felt fun, or excited me; it would amount to a total of about 90 minutes per day maximum.
It is vital to understand that many things that best serve our relationships, work, health and more won’t necessarily be fun, may feel like a grind, and frequently we may not want to do them. However, successful people look past those feelings and focus upon their importance and why they must be completed. Once you adopt this mindset, you tend to get into a groove where you get a lot accomplished without worrying about how fun or exciting it is. Best of all, when you start setting a standard where you always get the tough stuff done, you appreciate the fun and easy stuff so much more.
Some quotes I Love.
“A quiet man is either plotting his success or facing unthinkable pain. They both build character.”
“They don’t respect you at the bottom. They ignore you in the middle. Then they hate you when you get on top. You’ll never have everyone’s approval, so just do you.”
“Discipline is training your mind not to give a sh** if it’s hard, or it hurts, or it sucks. If it needs to get done, it gets done.”