Dr. Kenney’s Friday 5 Spot
On Fridays I like to share experiences I’ve had during the week with patients and in my personal life that I’ve found significant. I share these in the hope that you might find value in them and have something that resonates with you in your life.
Something that helps me. Personally, I like to break up things in my life into two categories, “everything” or “something.” “Everything” implies vital importance to me. This category is small and includes my faith, my family, my ability to provide for my family, and the health of both me and my family. These are the things without which I cannot live. “Something” is a far broader category and can include things from as small as trivial up to particularly important. For example, hobbies can be in this category but so would my business and my home. The reason separating things into these categories helps is the viewpoint it affords me.
My goal is to not allow the “something” to get in way of the “everything.” I never want any of my actions to detract from what is most important to me. Behaviors that could cause me to ignore my faith, spouse or children or not nurture those relationships would be examples. Also, these two categories provide me comfort. If I find that I’m worrying about something regarding my home, finances, or something similar, I remind myself that while important, it is not the most crucial thing in my life. My family being healthy and happy is far more important, and that allows me to understand that whatever issues I’m facing will pass and it’ll be fine. Ask yourself what falls into your “everything” and “something” and then react accordingly.
A question to ask. You have likely heard the phrase, “you are the sum total of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” Put another way, the people you surround yourself with will rub off on you and permeate into your personality so they should be selected carefully. To most, this is intuitive, so I won’t belabor the point. However, the question I like to ask is what effect I am having when I am one of those five people to someone else?
What qualities do I possess that tend to impact others? Are they positive and helpful or negative and potentially detrimental? In my younger days, though I could be a lot of fun I was often a powder keg to those around me. My emotions ran high, behavior could be erratic, and I was a liability in certain situations. Now, I tend to be energetic, positive, forthright, and steady in all my interactions which is far more beneficial to those around me. Ideally, we want to be the type of people that make those closest to us better. Give thought not only to the five people that you spend the most time with and what they bring to you, but also what you deliver to their lives in return.
Something I liked. This week I encountered the term, “quiet quitting.” This is meant to describe situations where we’re technically still involved in something but have secretly decided to give up, begin going through the motions, and planning our exit strategy. This can happen with employment, in marriages, and really anything you can imagine. I’ve done this myself at various times of life and it has also happened to me, usually when I least expected it. Thus, I can tell you for certain that it can be extremely dangerous.
“Quiet quitting” is like knowing there is a small leak in your boat and choosing to ignore it. Just as that boat would eventually sink, so too will anything that you take this approach toward. If you are involved in a relationship, business, or team and you begin checking out, there is a tendency to start developing resentment. Rather than expressing concerns directly and seeking constructive solutions, emotions take over and can lead things astray. Often, people around you only become aware of your true feelings after you’ve decided to leave, which takes them by surprise and leaves them little opportunity to do much about it. Rather than “quietly quitting” on something or someone, I feel it best to be honest and seek solutions. This is not a guarantee things will work out, but it at least provides all parties with an opportunity to repair, rebuild, and refocus going forward.
A simple concept. In football, when you call an offensive play, it is done based on what you expect the defense to do, what you want to accomplish, and in hopes both of those things will mesh. Sometimes it works great, and you feel like the smartest coach in the world, other times it fails badly, and you feel foolish. However, there is an area between these two called “busted plays.” This is when something happens, the play doesn’t immediately succeed, yet it also doesn’t end in disaster. At that point it is up to the offense to abandon what they had planned and begin improvising to try and make something good happen. Interestingly, while “busted plays” start off badly they have the potential to end with tremendous results. Life works similarly.
Some of our plans, actions, and decisions will end up in triumph while others crash and burn. I find these to be exceptions rather than the rule. More commonly, unexpected things happen which afford us opportunities if we can keep playing and trying to make something better occur. For example, if you miss an opportunity at work but keep sharpening your skills and staying engaged, you may have an opportunity to end up in a better position. The key is the decision not to quit once adversity hits and remain focused on finding a solution, usually one you never envisioned. If life is throwing tough stuff at you right now, don’t give up. Stay positive and keep trying different ways to succeed, eventually that “broken play” can turn into something amazing that you never expected.
Some quotes I Love.
“You get tested the MOST when it’s time to elevate to the next level. Don’t fold.”
“Negativity leads at halftime; positivity wins the game.” – Gary Vaynerchuck
“You don’t win by holding the dice, you win by rolling them.” – Brad Lea