Dr. Kenney’s Friday 5 Spot
On Fridays I like to share experiences I’ve had during the week with patients and in my personal life that I’ve found significant. I like to share them in hopes that you might find value in them and have something resonate with you in your life.
Something I believe. I remember speaking to someone years ago that was extraordinarily successful and had a beautiful home with a large yard. He was telling me that his teenage son and friends had been playing baseball and tearing up the grass for weeks. Then he went on to say that he didn’t mind because his philosophy was “if you build the children, the yard will grow around them.” It means that the best approach is to maintain focus on what truly matters because that will lead to better growth and greater outcomes. That phrase has stuck with me, and I feel has great significance.
When it comes to parenting or anything else, it is easy to be distracted with small and trivial matters. We often spend our time and energy on what does not matter (or matters less) and then wonder why what we’d like to see happen, does not. Using the example of children, my wife and I try to focus on instilling faith, confidence, strength of character, and principles in our children rather than worrying too much about nitpicking them with pointless rules or matters. We have found this to be effective in their social, mental, and physical development. Regardless of what it may be, worry first about the major things that can lead to growth and success while devoting less time to minor things that won’t.
A good reminder. I’ve spoken to Lions fans this week who were distraught after watching their team’s amazing season end in the NFL playoffs Saturday night. They all tell me how sad it made them and how sick they felt waking up the next day thinking about it. Several mentioned that they were disappointed in themselves for caring that much about how their team did in a sport. I’ve wrestled with this same thing myself as a fan, competitor, and as a coach. Deep down I know that health, finances, etc. are all more important than a game or competition could ever be, yet certain losses felt almost traumatic. Then, I often hated myself and felt embarrassed that something so unimportant in the grand scheme of life could get to me that badly. After enough experiences however, I came to an understanding on this matter.
Anytime you are playing for stakes, emotions will be higher. Those “stakes” can be pride, victory, feeling accomplished, trying to achieve a goal, or any number of things. The point is, when you are invested in the outcome, it becomes impossible for it to not be painful if it doesn’t end as desired. Understanding this helped me tremendously because I realized I wasn’t odd, too competitive, selfish, or wrong to care so much. It was simply a reflection of the time and effort that I’d put in. I wanted it to work out because I cared and it mattered to me, not because I was delusional that it would change the world or my life. Now when I hit a low point after a defeat, I am unashamed but then build myself back up by remembering all I have to be grateful for.
Something that helps me. There are many times when things don’t go as we’d planned. I experience these in business, in my personal life, in my races, and more. When they occur, I tend to feel uncomfortable, uneasy, and it bothers me. Early in life, I would deal with situations like this by making excuses, feeling sorry for myself, and hoping things would somehow change by osmosis. Now, I take a different approach which tends to help greatly.
First, I evaluate my effort by asking if I gave all I had and did all I could. If not, this is priority number one the next time out. Second, I ask myself what single thing I might do differently to create a better outcome. This could be a new process, a unique way of doing something, or a novel approach to an issue big or small. If a change can help, I will immediately implement it. Finally, when I have a circumstance that didn’t go as planned, I just let it go. I take comfort in knowing I’ve examined my effort and produced something new to try, then move on because living in the past won’t help. We all have difficult days and encounters, it’s best when we deal with them constructively rather than wallowing in our negative emotions.
Something I loved. This week, I noticed that we’d had an air fryer delivered to our house and my wife said she’d ordered it. Since we already have and use one of our own, I was curious why we’d need another. She explained to me that it was for an older gentleman at church. He’d recently lost his wife of many years, and when my wife asked how he was doing, he told her he was sad and microwaving food a lot because she’d always cooked for him. He also mentioned in passing that he’d been looking for a used air fryer to try cooking with instead but hadn’t found one yet. My wife bought him one and he was very touched and thankful for it.
Like many, I have had to endure grief and other extremely trying times. I can tell you that while no one can take away all that pain or difficulty from you, sometimes the smallest word, gesture, or action can make an enormous difference. For example, after my sister died, the most touching and helpful thing I received was a handwritten letter from a 12-year-old boy I coached. It didn’t alleviate all my grief, but it felt like a bit of sunshine poking through the clouds. If someone around you is struggling, do not hesitate to help them in whatever way makes sense to you. You are unlikely to solve their issues on your own but even making them smile or feel less alone can be huge.
Some quotes I Love.
“Sit with people who protect your name in your absence.” – Ray “Cash” Care
“You’re a man. Forgive your father. Forgive your ex-girlfriend. Forgive your boss. Forgive your competitors. It doesn’t matter how bad they wronged you. Grudges hold you back. Never revenge. Heal, and move on with your life. That stuff delays your blessings.”
“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful. To be honorable. To be compassionate. To have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Because only when you’re about to lose it all, do you realize how much you have.”
Want more?
- To see previous Friday 5 Spots or schedule appointments online, visit newbodychiro.com