On Fridays I like to share experiences I’ve had during the week with patients and in my personal life that I’ve found significant. I like to share them in hopes that you might find value in them and have something resonate with you in your life.
Something I believe. There is someone that I have been doing business with for the better part of a decade. Our styles are opposite, and dealing with him is never something I look forward to (but I don’t have a choice). He has an unwillingness to accept responsibility and often expects others to do things for him. Worse, when he does fulfill his responsibilities, he wants praise (and usually praises himself). This type of behavior is not unique to this person and is increasingly common in our social media society. We don’t want blame or accountability if we don’t hold up our end of a bargain, but expect a parade when we do.
It’s crucial to accept responsibility for all our actions. That means if we have a role to play, we do so regardless of circumstances or feelings. Following through and doing what we promise is crucial. We can take pride in our effort but should not concern ourselves with seeking adulation merely for doing what we said we would. A mindset focused on accountability will create far better outcomes than one that seeks praise.
Something important. My wife and I had been attending a church together since 2014 and were pleased with it. Over the past few months, we began to feel some of the messaging seemed timid and not in alignment with some of the values previously expressed. As a result, we decided to try another church at the recommendation of a friend. There, we have found stronger and more principled messaging with actions that seemed to back it up.
We are living in crazy times, I believe there is a greater need for strength now more than ever. As a result, I have little time or patience for giving my energy to anything that involves being passive, meek, weak, or not in alignment with my principles. To be the father, husband, doctor, coach, etc. that I should be, I can only seek out people, places, and activities that challenge me to be better. Give thought to the people and groups you associate with. Ask yourself whether these individuals are helping you grow stronger or not.
Advice I agreed with. I was listening to Dr. Peter Attia on the Joe Rogan podcast earlier this week. He mentioned that for decades, he struggled with his own self-talk. He was highly critical of everything he did, and when he would make a mistake, would harshly berate himself. Eventually he came to realize that this was counter-productive to success of any kind.
To fix this issue, a therapist recommended he try a change of tactic when a mistake or crisis occurred. Rather than getting upset and wasting energy on a tantrum, he suggested he speak to himself like he would a best friend. When we speak to a friend, we tend to want to be kinder, gentler, and more constructive because we know it will help more than shouting. There is no reason we cannot or should not offer ourselves this same courtesy. Dr. Attia mentioned that this simple change led to amazing changes in productivity for him and I have had similar results over the years. Try speaking to yourself as you would a great friend, it will make a huge difference.
Something I am thankful for. I have coached football since 2017 for boys (and several girls) as young as four and as old as thirteen. Without hesitation, I can say that I have learned more life lessons coaching those young kids than in almost anything else I have ever done. There have been instances where I have been too intense, too emotional, or failed to understand their perspective. I have learned from those mistakes by altering my approach. Other times, I have seen my energy, motivation tactics, or calming voice help them. That taught me to continue using those methods. All the triumphs and mistakes have helped me become a better leader, communicator, motivator, and example.
The greatest lesson coaching has taught me is that when you are in a position of leadership, those around you will mirror who you are. If you value or emphasize the wrong things, so will they. Thus, you must constantly consider what and how you are teaching, and whether your personal behavior backs it up or not. It is the ultimate form of accountability. Coaching has truly been a blessing for me. It brought some of my flaws to light and helped me address them. Likewise, it showed me strengths I didn’t realize I possessed and allowed me to grow them. In short, coaching has helped me become a better man while doing something I enjoy. Whether you are a coach or not, consider how your behavior is impacting those around you. Learn from it, grow from it, and become an even better version of yourself.
Some quotes I love.
“Don’t cry to quit, cry to keep going.” – Eric Thomas
“The soul always knows how to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind.” – Caroline Myss
“Failure is an option. It’s what you do with the failure that makes you who you are. Our failures mold us. I have failed at several things in my life. What sets some of us apart, is that when we fail, we can’t sleep at night. It haunts us until we have our time at redemption. – David Goggins
“Don’t ‘kill them with kindness.’ Torture them with success.”
“The truth doesn’t require participation in order to exist. Bullsh** does.”