Dr. Kenney’s Friday 5 Spot
On Fridays I like to share experiences I’ve had during the week with patients and in my personal life that I’ve found significant. I share these in the hope that you might find value in them and have something that resonates with you in your life.
A recent reminder. Last Saturday, my flag football team played a particularly good opponent, coached by someone that displayed some of the worst behavior I’ve seen in coaching. In a game between five thru seven year olds, many of whom have never played before, this coach made it all about himself as though he were auditioning for an NFL job. He was unkind to the refs, snarky to my assistant coach, didn’t care when a player was injured, barely played some of his own players, and broke every basic coaching etiquette rule you can imagine. As someone who Is unafraid of confrontation, I strongly debated going off on this guy, humiliating him in front of everyone, and putting in him his place. However, something occurred to me, and I chose a different course.
I realized what I hated most about that coach’s behavior was that he made everything about himself, fed his own ego, and ignored the role he was supposed to have as a teacher to his players. If I were to lose my cool and make a scene, I would be doing that exact thing. It would feel great in the moment for me to make him feel scared, embarrassed, and/or small; but then I would hate myself later because of what I’d demonstrated to the kids. Instead, I reminded myself that my job was to be an example for my players, his players, and all the parents. I didn’t care about the score and continued to teach, encourage, and help my players (and theirs) as best I could. After the game ended, several of the parents approached me to tell me how much they appreciated the way I coached their children and that meant a lot to me. It can be difficult when situations turn emotional, but we should strive to behave in a way that befits our morals and principles, and of which we can feel proud of later.
Something I believe. I watched a video this week of a college football recruiter that said he looks for players that are “starving” rather than those that “just want to eat.” “Starving” athletes give all that they have to earn even the smallest opportunity and then continue that effort to take advantage of it. Those that “want to eat” would like to be successful but if things become challenging, tend to blame circumstances and others for why it didn’t happen as they’d hoped. I’ve found this to be accurate in athletics but even more applicable to life.
When you are on a quest to attain something in business, financially, personally, etc.; the best thing you can have is the gift of desperation. When you are in that phase, there is nothing you won’t do, consider, or attempt to succeed. When I became a broke, single dad, starting over in my career; I was hungrier than I could even explain and achieved more in a few years with nothing than I had at any other time. “Hungry” and “wanting to eat” is like comparing something that your soul demands you achieve at any cost versus wanting it to happen if the stars align. As someone that has been on both sides, I would recommend that if it matters to you, get hungry.
A concept I believe. My wife and I have begun offering Saturday morning exercise bootcamp for people at our church. Though these are normal to us, they are understandably challenging to most of the other people there. As we got about five minutes into the workout, one of the participants started talking aloud about not being able to do too much because of an upcoming workout (5 days away) and due to running marathons (last one was 16 years ago). This person was completely able bodied, had no physical limitations, but would not stop telling anyone within earshot about why they could not do more or push harder. I have plenty of experience with these situations, and it brings up a key point.
Your mind has a powerful desire to protect you from discomfort. As a result, when things become challenging, require physical and/or mental effort, or seem out of your normal level of exertion; your mind will encourage you to stop. Commonly, this entails creating excuses based upon your insecurities or past failures to make quitting seem like the only reasonable thing to do. As someone that has dealt with this thousands of times, I can assure you that if you push past that point and ignore that voice, you can do amazing things. Your mind needs reminders of who is in charge and when you endure discomfort, you create them. The next time you’re ready to pack it in because you’re breathing heavy or uncomfortable, just keep going for a little bit longer. I promise it will help unlock levels of potential you didn’t know you possessed.
Something that inspires me. At the same exercise class I mentioned above, there was a woman that participated who was quite overweight. Though the class was difficult for her, she kept putting out her best effort the entire time, completed the full workout, and I could tell she was proud of herself. Some of her friends also came with her but decided not to participate and “just wanted to watch.” What inspired me about that woman was that she displayed what I refer to as the “courage to start.”
In my experience, I find it is far easier to talk ourselves out of things rather than into them. We worry about being embarrassed or failing and soon create enough justification to not begin at all. That is precisely why I admire people that ignore those excuses and simply start trying. I particularly love to see this when someone is obviously at a disadvantage compared to those around them. This could be due to age, physical or mental limitations, lack of talent or resources, or any number of other factors. Put simply, it takes guts to say, “screw it, I’m just going to try” and then get out there in whatever endeavor it may be. I witness the “courage to start” often and it never fails to inspire me.
Some quotes I Love.
“When we’re born, we look like our parents. When we die, we look like our decisions.” – Joseph Granda
“Excuses sound best to the person making them up.”