Dr. Kenney’s Friday 5 Spot
On Fridays I like to share experiences I’ve had during the week with patients and in my personal life that I’ve found significant. I share these in the hope that you might find value in them and have something that resonates with you in your life.
A great lesson. Years ago, I remember listening to a lecture by a chiropractor and businessman I really respected. He mentioned how crucial the staff of an office is in establishing a patient’s initial level of comfort and respect for the doctor. “Your staff should feel very comfortable bragging about you and if they do not, then you have big problems” were his exact words. I took that to mean that it was important for the people I worked with to know that I was a skilled and competent doctor but even more so, a solid and reliable person. Thankfully, that has remained the case throughout my career.
The lesson I gained was that you can never fool those closest to you. They observe you constantly in various situations and form an opinion based on how you react, behave, and treat others. When that behavior is positive, they become your biggest fans and tell others. However, when it is not, no amount of words can convince them of how great you are because they have seen the truth. This fact applies not just to business but more importantly to the relationships you have with your spouse, children, and closest friends. If the people you spend the most time with can’t find it in their hearts to brag about you, examine your behavior to determine if there may be a reason.
An analogy I like. If you’ve ever had the pleasure of being with a child on a long car trip, you have heard the phrase, “are we there yet?” This frustrating question is common because children tend to lack a reasonable perspective of time. You can speak to them for an hour about how it will take 7 hours to get somewhere and they’ll ask if you’re almost there before you reach the edge of your neighborhood. As adults, we know how ridiculous this is, but I often notice that adults make this same mistake in aspects of life as well.
Most of us have a sincere desire to be successful and happy. However, many do not fully grasp that life does not exist to give us what we want instantly or easily. As a result, when things don’t go our way there is a tendency to get upset, whine, or complain that things are not working out. This is the adult equivalent of, “are we there yet?” Some of the most amazing things in life will require extensive time and exertion and cannot be expected to happen immediately. If something truly matters to you, be committed to the process required to achieve it because like any trip, the destination can be amazing. Therefore, keep focused on where you want to end up, remain patient, and keep making continuous progress toward it.
An important principle. A phrase I repeat often and tend to live by is, “never let them see you sweat.” This is how I remind myself that in any leadership position, it does not benefit me or those around me to tell them about my stresses or outwardly display worries I may have. My duty is to be calm and confident while helping guide them toward better things. Thus, I must be willing to work through certain issues or insecurities on my own so that it does not affect them. That responsibility simply comes with the territory.
If I were to constantly talk to my children, the players I coach, or the patients I treat about my own concerns or baggage, it would have an effect. It would cause them to become unsettled while questioning whether I was the right person or in the right frame of mind to assist them. When someone I’m responsible for helping has a problem, the last thing they need to listen to is my sob story. Therefore, when I am called upon to be a leader, I never speak about my own issues or concerns. I focus solely on how I can best assist others and help guide them only in ways that they or I can control. This simple approach tends to allow people to gain confidence in leadership while allowing them to focus on bettering themselves/their own performance. Great leadership should cause a person to focus mainly on the people that need them ahead of any personal concerns they may be facing.
Something I’ve learned. I’ve been active in athletics as both a competitor and coach for as long as I can remember. In that time, I’ve gone up against opponents with every type of strength you can imagine including size, speed, unconventionality, and more. The one I am always most fascinated by is watching how a person or team reacts when the opposition is extremely aggressive. They tend to either get scared and lose confidence or get fired up and more determined. This not only occurs in sports but in life as well.
Daily life is aggressive in its own way. It delivers challenges to us personally, physically, emotionally, financially, in relationships, and more. When these things inevitably occur, we have two choices. First, we can let it consume us to a point where we lose our will, believe that circumstances will never change, and quit. Second, we can allow it to embolden us so that we react with greater effort and passion while refusing to give in. When unexpected and difficult circumstances hit you, don’t allow them to control you. Just as in sports, the best approach when faced with a tough, aggressive opponent is to respond with greater intensity and resolve of your own.
Some quotes I Love.
“A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way.” – John C. Maxwell
“Aggression is an effective form of energy when focused on the right direction and shielded from all others.” – John Driscoll