Dr. Kenney’s Friday 5 Spot
On Fridays I like to share experiences I’ve had during the week with patients and in my personal life that I’ve found significant. I share these in the hope that you might find value in them and have something that resonates with you in your life.
Something I was taught. My long-time assistant coach in football once shared with me his way of dealing with his sons after coaching. He wanted to encourage them but also help identify ways they could improve. Thus, he would ask his boys for three things they felt they did well and one they could do better next time. From that day forward I began using this with my own children/players as well as in my own life.
Utilizing this formula helps lock in strengths you may possess, create confidence, and can become building blocks for the future. Forcing yourself to point out things you did well also trains you to be positive and less critical, regardless of the outcome. Then, identifying only a single area of need is effective because it is not so much that it becomes daunting, destroys confidence, or outweighs the good. Rather, it is sufficient to provide a path toward improvement. As simple as this all may be, I have found it extremely effective in coaching, leadership, and in evaluating myself.
A great reminder. I was at an event recently and spoke to a teacher that works with high school kids that have behavioral issues. He shared with me a particularly interesting story. Most of his students are aggressive in their behavior, language, and actions. However, when they are given a diagnosis (ADHD for example), they accept it, feel sorry for themselves, and function as if nothing can be done to help it. After seeing this enough times, the teacher eventually said, “You guys fight everything – your teachers, parents, and authorities. Instead of laying down and accepting someone else’s assessment of you, why don’t you start fighting that too and get yourself better?” They’d never considered things in those terms previously and it helped many start making improvements. It is also an important reminder to all of us.
Too often, we allow one person’s opinion, a negative comment, a dreadful day, or our status to derail who we are. We lose all our fight and back off when we shouldn’t. A much better practice is to become defiant, get aggressive, and fight back when we encounter resistance. This entails continuing our efforts, not becoming discouraged, and adapting a “no matter what” mindset in whatever we are attempting to accomplish. If you have fight left in you, don’t hide it when times get difficult, start applying it.
Something that helps me. Have you ever experienced a horrible day, business troubles, financial difficulties, defeats in competition, or things of this nature? If you’re human and honest, you certainly have. When these things occur, they can be incredibly difficult to cope with. Sometimes, we react by wanting to give up, sleep more, eat whatever we want, or give into vices. For a good part of my younger years, I was certainly guilty of this. However, now I utilize what I call the “back in the fight mentality.”
This mindset is the equivalent of the old saying “get back on the horse.” If I have a tough day in my business, a race, or due to something in my personal life, I can become dejected. However, I am then almost immediately fired up to go back the following morning and try to do better. This mentality helps stop the bleeding and allows days of difficulty to not stretch into weeks, months, or years. “Getting back in the fight” can apply to relationships, business endeavors, athletics, and anything else you can imagine. If you experience a tough spot, do not back down, get yourself right back in there and try to improve.
An analogy I loved. I watched a video this week where a professor held up and 16-ounce glass of water. He explained to his class that since the weight was so light, he could easily hold it for a short while. However, after an hour it would become a challenge and after several hours, his arm may go numb. If held for days or longer, he could even start losing the function of the arm altogether. The point of this was to illustrate that if you carry something small for long enough, it can weigh you down and cause damage. This is how your mind works as well.
All of us have issues in our past. Some lead us to live in doubt, become bitter, alter our behavior, or worse. Regardless of what it may have been, we carried it around so long that it began to cause further damage. While there is no one-size fits all formula for overcoming this, many things can help. For me, it was a combination of finally forgiving myself and others, growing my faith, intense daily exercise, letting go of any vices, and being comfortable with who I was. If you’ve ever struggled letting go of things from your past, please remember this analogy. You do not have to carry around anything so long that it causes harm to who you can be.
Some quotes I Love.
“Every moment you replace overthinking with action, you unlearn insecurity and hesitation. Everything is training. Keep going.” – Jeff Moore
“Worry about your character not your reputation. Your character is who you are. Your reputation is who people think you are.”
“Excuses make today easy, but they make tomorrow hard.” – Joe De Sena