Dr. Kenney’s Friday 5 Spot
On Fridays I like to share experiences I’ve had during the week with patients and in my personal life that I’ve found significant. I share these in the hope that you might find value in them and have something that resonates with you in your life.
Something I used to do. If you have ever had a child get into trouble, you know that when you question them, it can be interesting. Sometimes they lie, but other times they may just give the most favorable account of what happened by omitting pertinent details. Thus, they take away their responsibility for what happened while portraying themselves as a hero or even a victim. Most parents are keenly aware that their kids may tend to do this. However, many of us are unaware that we as adults can be guilty of this in our own lives.
In my younger years, I often told myself convenient truths rather than full truths. For example, I might point out how hard something was as a justification for failing while paying little attention to a poor effort or lack of preparation on my part. After a point, this type of thinking becomes a habit, and there is tendency to start viewing yourself as someone that does everything right but just cannot catch a break. This is incorrect and dangerous. The best approach is one of unfiltered self-assessment and honesty. This entails calling yourself out for poor effort, questionable behavior, or seeking excuses over solutions. Telling yourself the truth will lead to better results in anything you can imagine.
An analogy I like. As someone that has played and coached team sports for many years, I’ve gone against many tough opponents. Prior to facing them, I have yet to hear or give a pep talk saying, “Let’s go out there and give a fraction of our best and that should be enough to beat them.” This would be laughable and unrealistic. However, people often do this exact thing in their lives without realizing it.
Remarkable things are not going to simply come to find you nor will they come from weak effort and low desire. Your goal knows the difference between the version of you going through the motions and the one that refuses to quit until you’ve succeeded. To attain anything of note, you must put in time, sweat, and tears because nothing worthwhile will come easily or free. One of my favorite quotes I think of often is from Les Brown, “If it’s hard, then do it hard.” If you have a big dream, goal, or desire, your only shot of reaching it is by giving everything you have consistently and regardless of circumstance.
A common mistake. As a personal trainer years ago, and a chiropractor for the last twenty years, there is a common workout mistake I see/hear of often. This occurs when someone that has not exercised in months or even years makes a noble commitment to begin doing so again. They have such a desire to undo the neglect they’ve shown their bodies that they go to gyms or studios and badly overdo it with a single workout or series of workouts over a week or so. They’re attempting to make up for lost time by attaining dramatic results quickly but end up getting so sore or injured that they suddenly stop again altogether. There is an important lesson here.
You cannot make up for repeated bad decisions in a single sitting or brief time limit. However, you can begin doing so with consistency. In the example mentioned above, I would rather see someone start off less intensively utilizing short durations to begin developing the habit of working out and the confidence to continue. As this occurs, things can develop, grow, and be fine-tuned. This same premise can be utilized not just for exercise but financially, in our careers, struggling relationships, or any number of things. Decisions from our past we regret cannot be forgotten or remedied in a single day or moment. Our only hope is to improve our future by making better choices and sticking to them going forward.
Something that helps me. I remember hearing a story from Coach Bill Parcells where he met with one of the star players on a team he’d just agreed to coach. This player had many instances of off field drama but went to his meeting with his coach expecting to hear all the exciting ways he’d be as a player. Instead, Parcells said to him, “Isn’t it always something with you?” He pointed out that regardless of coach, team, or circumstance; this player always brought baggage with him.
I tell this story often because it’s a good reminder that people like this can enter our lives at any time. They often have a pattern of destruction they bring to anyone or anything they touch. Before long, we can end up in this spiral ourselves if we’re not careful. Personally, unless it’s someone that I absolutely feel called to help, I avoid these types of people like the plague. This is not meant to be harsh, unkind, or unloving. Instead, it is a way of protecting the people and things I care for most from unnecessary dramatic or foolish behavior. If there are people in your life for whom there is “always something,” you may want to consider getting away from them.
Some quotes I Love.
“I will never forget those who came with a lamp when I was in the dark.”
“You either go after the life you want or keep settling for the life you get. The choice is yours.”