Dr. Kenney’s Friday 5 Spot
On Fridays I like to share experiences I’ve had during the week with patients and in my personal life that I’ve found significant. I like to share them in hopes that you might find value in them and have something resonate with you in your life.
Something I heard and loved. I don’t recall where I encountered it, but I heard someone mention that relationships were like a series of withdrawals and deposits to a bank. For example, it may be necessary at times for me to be tough on one of my children, a friend, or even a player I coach. That would be a withdrawal. When I do something to uplift, love, or motivate those same people; that would be a deposit. Just like a bank, withdrawals will be necessary. However, if you want to be able to withdraw without getting yourself into trouble, you’ll need to make regular deposits.
In life, we all need people and events that boost our pride and confidence. Many of these times will feel amazing and we’ll be thrilled they are happening. However, there will also be instances when tough love or a kick in the butt is best for us. We may need to think more about choices we are making, become humbled, and chart a better course. Just as withdrawals and deposits are required in a bank, so too will they be necessary in our lives.
A recent interaction. I was speaking to someone this week that opened a business over the past couple of years. It has not gone as expected, it is being listed for sale, and he was beating himself up over this. When we spoke, I told him that I had failed in business before myself, as have all the successful businesspeople we have all heard of. Rather than getting down, I told him to take pride in the fact he took a swing, and to lick his wounds and get ready to come back sometime soon and take another.
The act of failing does not make someone a failure. You only fail when you take a loss, decide never to try again, and then spend the rest of your days complaining or blaming. I have failed in business, marriage, athletics, and most things I’ve ever tried. In each instance, it wasn’t the setback that was the problem. Rather, it was my ego and pride telling me I should be embarrassed and stop trying as if this had never happened to anyone else. Take your swings in life and win or lose; keep taking more. There is no shame in trying and failing, only in not trying.
Something that inspired me. Going back to January, there was a guy I would often see while I was out on my runs. He was overweight, always bundled up and would simply be walking. We’d see each other often and give one another a nod as if to acknowledge that we were the only two people out in freezing weather and darkness. Recently, I have begun seeing that same gentleman in my neighborhood. He is still doing his walks except now he’s about sixty pounds lighter and wears a weighted vest to make them more challenging. He looks fit and amazing, and though I do not know him, I am extremely proud of his transformation.
This man is the embodiment of a crucial principle of life. When we have a difficult goal to attain, it can seem insurmountable. Rather than sit around and make excuses however, that guy got started. It likely wasn’t glamorous, but he made daily progress to the point of physically transforming himself (mentally too I’m betting). Think of how far we can all go toward our goals if we simply decide to start chipping away at it and begin today. Within weeks and months, we can arrive at a destination we once thought was out of our grasp.
Something I believe. My wife mentioned to me this week a piece of advice that she had once received. She had been struggling with some of the necessary habits required to achieve an outcome and mentioned to a friend how difficult it was for her. The response she got was “keep doing it until you actually want to do it.” In other words, keep performing the tough things you initially can’t stand until they become so rewarding that you enjoy them, understand their benefits, and refuse to stop.
Whether you are trying to exercise more, eat better, break unhealthy habits/vices, improve relationships, or anything else; it will be tough initially. You are so accustomed to taking the easy way that following the better, yet challenging path will seem daunting. However, if you give it a chance, you begin to experience the value of those behaviors. As that occurs, you have proof that things are working and become more likely to continue pursuing the correct actions rather than the more destructive ones. Given a chance, the challenging behaviors, processes, and habits of today become the ones you rely upon later.
Some quotes I Love.
“Fear is a mile wide and an inch deep.”
“A bad ending follows a bad beginning.” – Euripides