Dr. Kenney’s Friday 5 Spot
On Fridays I like to share experiences I’ve had during the week with patients and in my personal life that I’ve found significant. I like to share them in hopes that you might find value in them and have something resonate with you in your life.
Something I believe. In the Olympics, there are world-class athletes competing in all sorts of different events. When you see those in contention for medals, you are witnessing people that have developed and utilized their gifts to become the top 1% in their respective fields. But what would happen if you took those same people and placed them in a completely different sporting event? For example, taking all the track and field athletes and making them switch with the swimmers, or swapping all the gymnasts and power lifters. If this were the case, you’d witness extremely gifted people doing terribly in something with which they have no aptitude, experience, or desire to be involved in. There is a premise within this that can apply to daily life.
We all have strengths and weaknesses. My belief is that we do best when we accentuate our strengths, as Olympians do their individual events. Doing so gives us a legitimate path to success, builds confidence, and keeps us focused. We can then work on any weaknesses from there that would benefit us. Conversely, if we only worry about where we aren’t talented, equipped, or blessed; we live in a constant state of frustration and worry. As someone who has lived on both sides of this equation, I have found far greater contentment and success by working diligently to develop my strengths. It becomes far easier and less daunting to confront weaknesses from there.
A piece of advice. I’m an extremely competitive person. This applies to myself and my standards, but I could make a competition out of anything. To compete, you must keep score because it serves as the benchmark for determining winners or losers, progress or not. While this is a sound strategy for most competitions, it is a horrible principle to apply to certain aspects of life.
In our personal lives we often keep score in relationships. We tally up what we have done/are doing, and then compare that to what our spouses, family, friends, co-workers, etc. have put forth. Many times, we’ll come out on top, but the problem is the mindset that this creates. There is a tendency for this to build resentment, feelings of superiority, and a breakdown in the relationship of who we are comparing ourselves against. As someone that is task-oriented, high energy, and determined; I can tell you that I have struggled at times with keeping score with others and getting upset with what I perceive as a deficient level of output versus mine. I’ve done this in marriage, business, and much more. Now, my approach is to worry only about my own level of effort, ensuring I do all I can, and the results derived from this. Rather than look down on others, my goal is to have my behavior become an example that helps those around me raise their levels of accomplishment. I’ve found more happiness when I don’t keep score with anyone other than myself.
An analogy I like. Like many, I have a bunch of tattoos. I remember when I was in my early 20’s having a good, older friend of mine tell me, “Don’t waste your space on stupid stuff.” He meant, don’t permanently ink up your body with things that seem cool now but won’t be later, because you won’t have room for the important things you want on there. I blew right past that stop sign and guess what? He was right. As odd as it may sound, I think of that conversation often and see it as a viable piece of guidance.
In life, you want to devote the most space to what really matters. That can be family, faith, career, certain experiences, travel, self-improvement, and/or others. Putting your time, money, effort, and attention to those areas will help grow and expand them. However, if those are what truly matter but you devote too much time to other less crucial things, they will not blossom. Vices, poor habits, bad company, and other such things will draw us away from our goals and have us spinning our wheels for no reason. Whether it’s tattoos or life, don’t waste your space on what doesn’t matter at the expense of what does.
A compliment that meant a lot to me. As many of you know, my wife worked with me full-time as my office manager for several years. We were not yet married, so my wife got to see me around my patients for a couple of years before we got hitched. I never considered that had any importance until recently. That is because she told my sons that I had two separate patients that were not fully mentally competent and would come in often. She told my boys that she would listen at my office door and hear me being patient and kind with them, and it made her fall more in love with me. I never knew this, but the wonderful compliment reminded me of a crucial lesson.
There is usually someone watching and observing our behavior. They are gauging our intentions based on our actions. I’ve encountered people “behind the scenes” and been disappointed with who they really were, and in other instances been thrilled at who someone truly was. The take home point is that it’s vital to strive to always be the best version of ourselves. It will be when you think no one is looking that they will observe you to determine who you truly are. We will never be perfect, but we do want to be consistently solid in our behavior.
Some quotes I Love.
“Work hard in silence. Let success be your noise.”
“Victims stay trapped, but visionaries bounce back.” – Chad E. Foster
“Rule your mind or it will rule you.” – Horace
“On the way to work, concentrate on the way – not the work.” – Jim Rohn