Dr. Kenney’s Friday 5 Spot
On Fridays I like to share experiences I’ve had during the week with patients and in my personal life that I’ve found significant. I like to share them in hopes that you might find value in them and have something resonate with you in your life.
A recent interaction. I spoke to someone this week who mentioned how talented his son was in multiple sports but that he lacked the mental toughness to make him great. He asked what I did to help my older sons become so mentally tough. I told him that throughout their lives, I’ve always set forth difficult and unique physical challenges for them, and we’d participate in them together. I would wake them up early, have them out in the cold or heat, put them through intense workouts, make them push cars in neutral, flip giant tires, take them out running, and all kinds of other crazy stuff.
Quite simply, I would outline a task for my kids and tell them how tough it would be to complete. Then, we’d get through it together and I’d see how proud they’d be. We would do this often enough where after a while, they became comfortable being uncomfortable. Then, when they’d participate in sports and have difficult practices, have hectic schedules, encounter disappointments, or anything else; they were able to overcome them by drawing upon that resilience. Any form of physical exertion that you conquer when you want to quit will make you mentally stronger and help you in all aspects of life. I have come to fully embrace this lesson myself and am thankful my children have as well.
Something I believe. As a father there are times when my kids behave poorly, and I am forced to strip them of a privilege. They don’t get to play games, watch TV, or whatever. This is not a difficult concept to grasp, and any parent will understand the benefit and necessity of it. Something is removed to improve behavior. I believe this strategy should not be exclusive to parenting children either.
As adults, we give ourselves all sorts of outs and make excuses for doing things we know are wrong. Thus, if our behavior is harmful to us and potentially those around us, shouldn’t we put ourselves on punishment like we would a child? If you’re eating terribly, not exercising, using alcohol to treat stress, watching porn instead of pouring into your marriage, etc.; I think you should have some privileges pulled until you get things going in the right direction again. I’ve had to remove things from my own life because they were causing me to implode and I am thankful for doing so, you will be too.
A recent conversation. I was speaking to a patient of mine this week that is considering opening his own business. There is no doubt in my mind that he would excel in this, and I encouraged him to do so. I also shared something I learned and have found helpful in business myself. When it comes to beginning a new and daunting endeavor, I believe in the concept of “ready, fire, aim” as opposed to “ready, aim, fire.” Let me explain.
When it comes to managing a firearm, being cautious and thoughtful in what you are doing is crucial. Thus, being ready, aiming, and only then firing is prudent. However, in business if you take this approach, you will go nowhere. You will suffer paralysis by analysis and talk yourself out of even beginning. Therefore, I believe in gathering the basics that you’ll need to start, going for it, getting it underway, and then problem-solving and fine-tuning thereafter. Just as you can’t learn to drive a car in park, you can’t be successful in a major undertaking until you begin. For that reason, get ready, take your shot, and then figure things out as you go.
Something I do not like. Over the past two weeks, I witnessed multiple instances where someone was particularly unkind to someone else. Each time, it was over something minor, but they reacted in a major way. Rather than apologize, each of them said, “I behave that way because I care so much.” Personally, I had someone in my life for years that used to say and do this exact thing, and I cannot stand it.
The assumption with this excuse is that others do not care and thus you are allowed to behave terribly simply because you do. This is a destructive and lazy way of thinking. If you are on a team, in a relationship, or collaborating with other people, there is no chance that only one person cares how things turn out. Therefore, since everyone has skin in the game why should only one person be allowed to spew venom and expect others to endure it? My feeling is that within any group, if you really do care you will demonstrate patience and promote teamwork. This will lead to a much more positive and productive environment.
Some quotes I Love.
“You either quit or you keep going. They both hurt. Choose wisely.” – Ray “Cash” Care
“Do your thing. Because I’m telling you when you’re 90, you’re going to be sad if you didn’t do the thing that’s in your stomach.” – Gary Vaynerchuck
“A man matures through early mornings, late nights, pain, losses, disrespect, and disappointments.”