Dr. Kenney’s Friday 5 Spot
On Fridays I like to share experiences I’ve had during the week with patients and in my personal life that I’ve found significant. I like to share them in hopes that you might find value in them and have something resonate with you in your life.
Something I heard and loved. I was watching a video about Mike Tyson last week and he surprisingly mentioned that throughout his life, he has been more afraid of others than they were of him. He went on to say that to deal with that fear, he learned to be hyper-aggressive. Though I cannot imagine being Tyson, I do relate to what he said.
Throughout my life, I’ve been afraid of everything you can imagine. From speaking up/out, relationships, stressful situations, physical challenges, and so much more. It took years to understand, but I came to realize that when I hid from these things, I hated myself. As a result, I slowly began seeking to confront anything that scared or worried me head on. This did not always go perfectly, but over time it taught me that I could overcome anything if I kept coming at it rather than shying away. Eventually, this allowed me to view fear as an obstacle I could navigate around rather than a barrier. If there is something that scares you, don’t run away, dig in and learn to aggressively face it.
An analogy I love. Picture any important meeting that you may need to have in a business setting, with a loved one, or to accomplish something you desperately want. Now imagine that instead of paying close attention to the person/situation in front of you, you focused on the background noise such as trivial conversations or music playing. Obviously, this would not be prudent and could cost you. My belief is that our feelings are the background noise in our lives.
Being tired, bored, stressed, busy, unmotivated, worried, hot, cold, or anything else are just feelings. Paying attention to these things distracts you from attaining what is important just as focusing on background noise would destroy any crucial interaction as explained above. As humans, it is far easier for us to direct our focal point to how we’re feeling in a moment because it gives us the greatest justification for eventually doing what is convenient or comfortable. Through my greatest physical, personal, and mental challenges; I have learned to be hard on myself. I love to be reminded constantly that achieving goals for myself and those I love is all that matters. How I feel is unimportant, all that counts is whether I do what I said in the time and manner I said I would.
A great reminder. I have a great friend that works in a business that I happen to care a lot about. They have wonderful employees, a great vision, and do important things. Their downfall, however, is that they have poor leadership at the top. This causes decreased quality in service, division within the ranks, questionable standards, and other negative outcomes. It is important to understand that while this can affect a business, this same premise applies to other aspects of life.
Without an unclouded vision from the top, people will start doing their own thing. This may be good, bad, effective, useless, or even detrimental. In a business, the consequences tend to be financial. However, in parenting, marriage, or other relationships, the results can be far more serious. Without the right morals, principles, and values being demonstrated and prioritized, there will be a void. Sadly, that is likely to become filled with bad habits, vices, attention-seeking, and unhealthy forms of comfort. As a father, husband, coach, and business owner I give constant thought to what I am teaching those around me through my words and actions. The goal is to always be pointing north so that we are aiming toward things we can all take pride in that align with who we are and what we believe in.
Something I believe. When I was a kid, I remember my parents telling me to do things and completely neglecting to do so. When they’d ask me if I did it, I would have an elaborate reason I didn’t/couldn’t. In the end, I would exert far more time and energy pretending I did something or making excuses because I didn’t, than it would have taken to simply complete it in the first place. As foolish as this was, I see this exact behavior in adults all the time.
I’m told regularly by people why they can’t lose weight, don’t have time to exercise, have no choice but to neglect their health, can’t work on a relationship, etc. They get enthusiastic and want me to tell them I agree with them and the lack of success they’re experiencing is not their fault. Though I certainly empathize with people that are frustrated, I do feel in most cases people spend far more time explaining away their lack of results than they do on attaining greater ones. Your energy is a finite resource. If you utilize it on complaints and excuses, there is little remaining that can go toward achieving what you want. Ultimately, no one cares about our excuses so avoid them in favor of seeking solutions instead.
Some quotes I Love.
“Conflict cannot survive without your participation.” – Wayne Dyer
“Triumph often is nearest when defeat seems inescapable.” – B.C. Forbes
“Great fathers are not born, they become the men they once needed.”
“Those who lack courage will always find a philosophy to justify it.” – Camus