Dr. Kenney’s Friday 5 Spot
On Fridays I like to share experiences I’ve had during the week with patients and in my personal life that I’ve found significant. I share these in the hope that you might find value in them and have something that resonates with you in your life.
An analogy I like. Over the past week I’ve had to make a series of repairs stemming from a toilet I didn’t realize was broken. This caused a steady drip over a period of weeks that damaged flooring and ceiling. As I replaced and fixed all these issues, I kept thinking about how powerful a simple, steady drip of water can be. This has applications to daily life as well.
The steady “drips” of water in our lives are our habits and actions. How we move/don’t move physically, what we put into our bodies (food, chemicals, etc.), and how we behave mentally are all examples. When these areas are comprised mostly of poor choices, we are slowly being worn down like my bathroom was. Conversely, if we are taking positive steps in those areas, we are actively strengthening and improving ourselves with each small decision. If your habits are leading you toward a damaging flood, start making changes right away.
A recent experience. The flag football team I coached throughout the spring lost last Saturday in the championship game. It was an intense contest and though we played extremely well, we ended up losing by a score. Some of my players were upset but I told them they had nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, I stated to them that though it would have been great to win, we earned the next best thing, a “warrior’s death.”
This is a term I’ve adapted from reading so much about the samurai, Navy SEAL’s, and other groups rich in fighting/battle history. If you have performed at your best and given all you have but end up losing, that is a warrior’s death. Though you may not have achieved the exact outcome you wanted, there is considerable pride knowing you did everything possible to try and make it happen. On Saturday, I was pleased with how I coached and even more excited with how my team performed. In life, things will not always go our way and there will be circumstances beyond our control that may trip us up. However, we always maintain the ability to make sure we prepare well, work hard, and give the strongest effort possible. That is what a warrior always does and there is nobility in it regardless of result.
A great reminder. At the same game I mentioned above, the opposing coach displayed some of the worst behavior I’ve ever encountered in coaching. Anytime my team would do well, he would complain to the referee who was a 16-year-old boy. At one point, my team scored and he screamed at that young man. I was busy trying to get my team on to the next play, but I heard from several in the crowd that he was awful, but the referee stood his ground. This reminded me of two important lessons.
First, it is never worth losing your cool or moral compass simply to attain some short-term gain. Listening to people in the crowd speak about that coach, everyone thought he was pathetic rather than justified or competitive. Second, when we encounter poor behavior, we can always choose to respond well. That young ref remained calm but firm toward that coach. After the game, I could see he was visibly upset, and I went up to speak with him. I told him he showed guts and integrity and that anyone watching would view his actions as exemplary. He had nothing to be upset about, and I told him I was proud of him, which he appreciated. How you behave in the heat of stress or conflict is who you truly are. I recommend acting in a way that adheres to your principles rather than short-term feelings or emotions.
Something I think of often. In 2019, I ran the Leadville 100. About forty miles into that race, I was on Hope Pass, which is about a 3,000-foot climb that takes you a full 2.5 miles above sea level when I began vomiting. I fell into a pattern where I would throw up, then run/hike, throw up again, and sometimes had to stop. During that time, I remember another runner being next to me and remarking on how bad he felt seeing me like that and that I was resilient just to keep going. Then, right before he left my side he said, “You’re a tough dude, but quit f’n around and feeling sorry for yourself, get your ass moving.” Though I do not remember that guy, those words stayed with me from that day forward.
Many things in life will happen unexpectedly and won’t be our fault. When they occur, we always face a decision of how to proceed. When I encounter a challenging circumstance or difficult season, I always think of that runner’s words to me. It reminds me not to dwell on my misfortune but rather draw upon my strength and find the fortitude to keep going. The things that happen to you may not always be your fault but how you react to them is certainly your responsibility.
Some quotes I Love.
“Pain is a great motivator, but a terrible strategy.” – Dr. Ben Altadonna
“The people that you’re afraid to offend don’t like you anyway so stop being afraid to stand up.”
“Be the same person privately, publicly, and personally.”