Dr. Kenney’s Friday 5 Spot
On Fridays I like to share experiences I’ve had during the week with patients and in my personal life that I’ve found significant. I share these in the hope that you might find value in them and have something that resonates with you in your life.
Something I heard and loved. Last week I heard someone say that every man on the planet was “a wink and a drink away from destroying his entire life.” The implication being that any man can ruin anything he’s built if he were to drink too much and/or let his guard down and pursue a woman when he shouldn’t. While this specific quote applies only to men, the sentiment and overall message should be a warning to us all.
You can spend a lifetime building trust and throw it all away in seconds with the wrong action. Thus, it is crucial to continuously work to sharpen our principles, morals, faith, and the overall code we follow. This does not mean we become immune from mistakes, only that they become less likely to occur because our “code” easily identifies them as inappropriate. Furthermore, when we focus on emotions, gratification, our mood, what’s fun, etc., we are more prone to let our guard down and end up in situations that can backfire, potentially catastrophically. We are all one bad or embarrassing mistake away from altering the course of our life so we should do our best not to endanger ourselves or those we love with foolish pursuits or errors.
Something I believe. When I was younger and would make mistakes, I would do whatever possible to pretend they didn’t happen, hide from the consequences, or play the victim. Though I thought so, I was not fooling anyone, and I had to learn the hard way how to deal with tough situations. Now, whenever I face demanding times (whether it’s something I had control over or not), I believe in the philosophy of “sitting in it.” This means that I simply allow myself to feel all the difficult feelings of sadness, anger, fear, worry, etc. Rather than running from these emotions, I lean into them and feel them acutely and vividly.
The reason I do this is because of what it can lead to. I believe in taking the emotions from a low point in life and allowing them to spurn you on to better things. For example, when I was recently divorced, a single dad, broke, and living in a state where I knew no one; it was not a confidence booster. However, I let those feelings and insecurities drive me in a way that I had never even approached before. I grew and achieved more than I ever imagined previously but I had to go through the lowest of lows to get there. If you are in a difficult season, do not hide from it with excuses, vices, or anything else. Sit in it, and let it become fuel for something better.
Something I’ve learned in business. As a young chiropractor, I remember going to seminars and hearing “experts” talk about various aspects of running a chiropractic office. They would recommend everything from not taking insurance and being only “cash,” to only seeing new patients at certain times of day, to how to sell people on expensive and lengthy treatment plans. This did not make sense to me at the time and as my career proceeded, I ended up doing exactly the opposite of all these things.
What I came to understand was that for me to get what I wanted (a good living, more patients, etc.) I had to give people what they wanted. For some patients, that was a chiropractor they could see only for emergencies, others for consistent care, and for many others a place they could return to years later without hassle. I found far greater success in letting people do what they wanted and simply being there when they needed me than trying to control or make demands from them. As simple as all this is, it has allowed me to run my business and maintain a career I love with little stress and great satisfaction. When you help other people win, you tend to as well.
An important concept. When I played football in high school and then college, one of the highest compliments you could pay someone was to say, “I’d go to war with that guy.” This did not mean you saw them as the most talented, best in their position, or anything of the sort. Rather, it was an indicator of their toughness, work ethic, willingness to be a great teammate, and someone that would stay with you in even the hardest battles no matter what. After years of holding this viewpoint for teammates in football, I eventually came to adapt it for everyday life as well.
People I would go to war with now tend to be those that worry about results rather than what the crowd thinks of them. They are loyal, diligent, selfless, mentally strong, and treat everyone with equal kindness and respect. Though the criteria may not seem difficult to meet, they can be. In fact, I would estimate that less than 20% of people I know and interact with would qualify. Since I evaluate others in this fashion, I expect to be judged accordingly myself. Therefore, I seek to behave with my highest standards, consistency of behavior/actions, and more so that I can be someone others trust in their most challenging times. You want to surround yourself with people you would “go to war with” and be that person to others simultaneously.
Some quotes I Love.
“You wouldn’t quit a show or book just because the character hit a low point. You’d lean in to see how they rise. Treat your story the same way. Be curious about your next chapter. You’re all of it. The story, audience, and the star. Keep going.” – Jeff Moore
“A boy will avoid pain, adversity, and the testing of his resilience. A man knows that the highest version of himself is revealed only when he’s faced with pain, adversity, and is tested to his breaking point.” – Bedros Keuilian
“Control your time and you’ll see how much of it you’ve wasted. Control your emotions and you’ll understand how weak manipulation becomes. Control your tongue and you’ll realize how much trouble silence avoids.” – Joe De Sena