Dr. Kenney’s Friday 5 Spot
A recent interaction. I was speaking to a good friend this week about a difficult situation involving someone I barely know. However, the circumstances were remarkably like something I’d faced years ago, and I found myself getting overly excitable with my responses. In fact, my friend commented that it was surprising to see me react in this manner because I’m usually more composed. After giving that a minute of thought, I realized why I’d done it.
We have all had dreadful things happen to us at times in our lives. Sometimes there can be events or reminders of those times that trigger fears or insecurities within us. When I reacted strongly to the story I mentioned above, it was because both had arisen within me. Usually when this happens, my default reaction is to either fight/engage, flee/withdraw, or become hyper-independent where I refuse to accept help of any kind. None of these tended to ever serve me constructively, so I have altered my approach over time. Now, my method involves a combination of prayer and reminding myself of the progress I’ve made to not only get past my tougher times but become strengthened by them as well. This helps me avoid what I call “chasing shadows,” which is worrying about things that are either no longer present or not actually a problem at all. If you find yourself getting exceptionally emotional about something, ask yourself what may be triggering that response and what can be done to help it.
A question to ask ourselves. My Apple Watch will give me an update when there is a change in my exercise trend over a week or more. Sometimes it’s an increase and I feel proud, other times it’s a decrease and I don’t love it. What I like though is that my watch is saying “this is where you were, and this is where you’re headed.” This simple concept is one that I think can be applied in our daily lives.
If you were to get an update on your marriage, role as a parent, finances, personal growth, overall health, etc. what would the trend say about you? If it were positive, you would obviously look to continue it or even fine-tune and make it better. This is how success can be created. Conversely, if things were trending downward, you would want to honestly assess why. Is it a lack of effort, inefficient processes, or something else that could be utilized to produce more positive changes? Giving thought to how you may be trending in key areas of your life is a terrific way to identify what is working, what isn’t and what can be done to either stay on the right track or get back on it.
Something I believe. It is never fun to give or receive feedback that is tough to hear. Certainly, it is far more fun to get wonderful compliments or give people praise. However, in times where a firm conversation is warranted, I feel it’s important to try and remember the difference between a complaint and criticism. A complaint is a fact-based assessment of a process, action, or outcome designed to produce improvements going forward. For example, as a coach I might talk to a player about spacing, footwork, or body positioning to help them with their skills.
Criticism on the other hand is where you tend to go after the individual rather than the actions. Following the example above, not giving a player guidance but telling them they aren’t athletic or smart enough to ever be successful at football would obviously be critical. The reason the distinction between the two is important is that most people will listen and respect you if you show a desire to constructively help them, even if it hurts to hear. Conversely, if you start a conversation by attacking someone or their character, it is certain not to progress or end well. There are times when both complaint and criticism are warranted. However, usually I find that addressing the action rather than the person behind it creates far better outcomes moving forward.
A strategy I use. For the better part of a month, I had an annoying and persistent cough that would get triggered especially when I would do anything cardiovascular-related. In fact, I normally end each of my workouts with one hundred burpees (which I’m quite accustomed to), however while I had that cough that same amount felt like a thousand. Interestingly, after the cough subsided, those one hundred burpees still felt more daunting than they had previously. It was as if I had taken something that was once easy and made it more difficult than it needed to be mentally. Once I realized this was the case, I made myself do five hundred burpees in a row.
I did this not as punishment but to reset what my mind perceived as difficult. Completing five times as many in one sitting made it so that the next time I did one hundred, it felt like nothing. I call this process “resetting my normal” and I’ve done it with remarkable success in running, exercise, and even business throughout the years. If you are at a mental or physical plateau, don’t be afraid to take even one time to push far past your usual level of exertion and output. Doing so even once can make things far easier going forward while proving to yourself you are capable of more than you imagined.
Some quotes I Love.
“Everything you learned late, teach your children early.”
“People naturally follow leaders stronger than themselves.” – John C. Maxwell
“Life has knocked me down a few times, it showed me things I never wanted to see. I experienced sadness and failures. But one thing is for sure, I always get up.”