Dr. Kenney’s Friday 5 Spot
On Fridays I like to share experiences I’ve had during the week with patients and in my personal life that I’ve found significant. I share these in the hope that you might find value in them and have something that resonates with you in your life.
Advice I give often. If you were to feed a stray animal often enough, it would likely return and seek the behavior that you have begun reinforcing towards it. This same premise works in life as well. That is why my close friends, and family would tell you that something I frequently say is, “do not feed strays.” In other words, do not encourage any behavior that you do not want to have repeated.
If you allow people to treat you poorly, disrespectfully, dishonestly, or in an abusive manner; they will continue that pattern. It will only change once you make the decision to no longer accept the injurious behavior and either remove them from your life or demand better from them. As the saying goes, “what gets rewarded, get’s repeated.” Therefore, be wary of tolerating actions or situations that you know are wrong because they will certainly begin to occur more frequently thereafter. Set a high standard by being the type of person that expects to be treated well and does not encourage anything other than that in their relationships and interactions.
Something I’ve learned. In my races, as a chiropractor, and in challenging points in life, I’ve had times of great physical and/or mental pain. In my younger years, I would verbalize these things constantly and obsess over them. This was an attempt to attain some form of comfort, but it never seemed to work out that way. Instead, the more I talked and carried on about it, the worse I felt. Just as when you talk about how tired you are can make you more exhausted, voicing problems too often can magnify them. For that reason, I now believe in “suffering in silence.”
Suffering in silence does not mean that you do not seek help or assistance. In fact, when there are people or services available that can help you fix an issue, you should take advantage of those opportunities. What you want to avoid, however, is speaking constantly about your problems while doing nothing to correct them. This type of behavior is not only unproductive but tends to make the issue worse. “Suffering in silence” entails considering what issue we may be facing, thinking through a plan of action to address it, and not dwelling on it to the detriment of other aspects of life in the meantime.
Something I believe. I got into a discussion this week about leadership. My friend was telling me about issues they’d been having at work with a supervisor that is often erratic in behavior. They are not intentionally malicious but often cause a great deal of damage with mood swings, bad behavior under stress, and the like. My comment was that like many poor leaders, they suffered from a lack of consistency.
Consistency creates trust for all of us. We can rely on things happening in an appropriate manner within a given timeframe. With time, we begin to develop confidence that things will occur as expected and we worry less about them. Conversely, when behavior is inconsistent, we cannot relax. We begin to expect the unexpected – dysfunctional behavior, missed deadlines, and broken promises. As this occurs, we lose faith in others which causes destruction within relationships, businesses, and more. For this reason, I believe that all leaders should strive for consistency in demeanor, processes, temperament, and principles so that those around them can rely on them easier.
A recent experience. Years ago, I went through a particularly challenging time that caused me to feel insecure, humiliated, and anxious. Though I maintain responsibility for every situation in my life, I will admit that two people in particular did everything they could to put me down and try to keep me there. Ironically, those same two individuals have found themselves in extremely trying times and both came to me for advice all these years later. Though this presented me an opportunity to “get even” or make them feel worse, I just did my best to help them.
I’m not a fan of going backwards in life. Refusing to move past tough times/people from our past tend to produce resentment and bring us right back where we didn’t want to be. It’s like breaking out of prison only to return there. For that reason, I am a proponent of forgiveness and moving on. It’s a waste of time and energy to revisit old battles from years gone by. Thus, while I don’t trust people that have wronged me or allow them to come back into my life easily, I have no problem moving on. I like to think that while I may lose some battles along the way, I can still win the war by having integrity, strong character, and becoming a better version of myself.
Some quotes I Love.
“Every storm runs out of rain; your breakthrough is closer than you think.”
“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.” – Oscar Wilde
“Kids go where there is excitement. They stay where there is love.” – Zig Ziglar