Dr. Kenney’s Friday 5 Spot
On Fridays I like to share experiences I’ve had during the week with patients and in my personal life that I’ve found significant. I like to share them in hopes that you might find value in them and have something resonate with you in your life.
A recent reminder. My two youngest children and I often go on walks or to the park together. They love to show me how fast they are, then take off running. At some point, they always look back to see if I’m still watching and to reassure them that they’re not lost or alone. This is cute but also a reminder of something important. You have at least one person in your life that cares if you’re watching and that you make feel safe.
My wife tells me often that when she sees me it always gives her comfort. Likewise, my children behave in a manner that I know my presence is important to them. To me, there is no greater honor or responsibility in the world than this. Thus, I do all I can to be worthy of it. I try to spend as much quality time with them as I can, behave admirably as often as possible, uplift them, and never take them for granted. Sometimes I fail, but I always keep this as my mission. If you are looking for a reason to change, be stronger, or elevate your life; use as motivation the fact that somewhere someone is counting on you to do so.
Some advice I gave. My son was telling me a story of a teacher at his friend’s school getting caught trying to have an inappropriate relationship with a student. This is something we hear often, a married person with children doing something foolish and having it all come crashing down on them and those around them. My son and I discussed it and then I gave him some advice. I told him, “Do not ever play away games.” I explained to him that “home games” are decisions guided by your moral compass, principles, ethics, and faith. Examples include being faithful, loyal, honest, and consistent in action. These always lead to solid, repeatable results. Away games are a different story altogether.
These are the decisions that take you in the opposite direction often fueled by alcohol, drugs, selfishness, or insecurities. Going where you know you shouldn’t, doing what you know in your gut is wrong, seeking pleasure over common sense, etc. would be examples of this. These are the decisions where you intuitively know you’re crossing a line and for which the penalties are high. Away games may seem exciting, but can easily land you in a police car, divorce court, or ditch. Have a moral compass that points you North and try to behave so that your actions never stray far from that path.
Something that helps me. Though I’m an incredibly positive person, when I face my toughest times, seasons, and situations; I often don’t rely on positivity or uplifting thoughts to get me through. Instead, I often find the most success by becoming defiant. I make the commitment that no matter how bleak it gets, I will just keep moving forward and not let the situation beat me.
I have used defiance to power me through 100-mile races, being divorced, starting over in a career, not having money, and more. This does not entail becoming bitter, or negative. Rather, it is my way of promising myself that I will make a stand against whatever hardships or troubles I may face. As I refuse to be broken, it creates an energy that allows me to get stronger and push forward with greater resolve. The best part of utilizing defiance as an asset is that it takes extraordinarily little skill. All it requires is a decision that you will not be beaten in that moment. Each time you resist the urge to give in, you will find more pride and determination to go on and succeed.
A way I view things. Any war will require a series of battles to be fought and won so that victory may be achieved. Life works in a remarkably comparable manner and should be approached as such. First, war must be properly defined. In life, this entails what is crucial to us and must be attained above all else. For me, my “wars” are raising amazing children, being a great husband, continuing to be the best chiropractor/businessman possible, and providing in every way possible for my family. If I can achieve those, I have won.
Once I define my wars, I must then fight the correct battles. No general sends his troops to fight for territory no one cares about or needs, and neither should I. My “battles” are how I choose to expend my time and energy. Thus, I focus on how I spend time with my wife and children, the examples I set through my behavior, the business practices I utilize, and more. I avoid anything that causes my precious energy to drift too far into distractions, wastes time, etc. I recommend that you clearly define what war(s) you want to win and then fight only the battles necessary to get you there.
Some quotes I Love.
“Pain shapes a man into a warrior.”
“Heroes are made in the trenches.” – Ray “Cash” Care
“Laziness has some people believing they have an unfair life. If you do nothing, you will get nothing.”
It’s not about what it is, it’s about what it can become.” – Dr. Seuss