Dr. Kenney’s Friday 5 Spot
On Fridays I like to share experiences I’ve had during the week with patients and in my personal life that I’ve found significant. I share these in the hope that you might find value in them and have something that resonates with you in your life.
Something I believe. Have you ever told a child that you’d buy them something or take them someplace later? If you have, you will know that there is zero chance that they will forget that agreement. In fact, they will hound you night and day repeatedly and not take no for an answer until it is completed. It’s simple, they want to see the fulfillment of a promise made to them. I believe this exact mindset can be invaluable and should be followed by us as adults.
Too often, we make excuses for not achieving what we want most. This can happen in our careers, relationships, fitness, nutrition, vices, and more. We allow emotions, feelings, and circumstances to prevent us from getting to exactly where we desire most. That is why I feel we need the mindset of those kids that have had promised something to them. Once we adopt that viewpoint, nothing other than success will be sufficient. Putting forth a small effort, wishing, procrastinating, over-analyzing, and everything else will be seen for the ineffective behaviors they are. All that will matter will be attaining our goal, and we’ll do whatever necessary no matter how difficult it is to get there.
Something that helps me. One of the things I believe adults struggle with is the concept of happiness. When we’re children, happiness entails Christmas mornings, birthday gifts, vacations, and summer vacations. We can simply enjoy ourselves, expect more of these experiences in the future, and not be bogged down by too many stresses or responsibilities. As adults, we usually believe happiness must come in this same manner, but I do not.
Personally, I have adapted my “happiness” from expecting euphoria more to appreciating contentment. For example, when my family is provided for and have what they need or I’ve helped a patient out of pain, I am happy because I’ve fulfilled my duties well. Seeking contentment rather than joy every second of life may not sound great but it has an enormous impact. You learn to appreciate successes (even small ones), take pride in your reliability, keep steadier moods and emotions, and meet expectations.
Something I want to share. Tuesday would have been my brother-in-law’s 37th birthday. Two years ago, I ran a 100-mile race on his birthday to honor him and ran it in Texas where my sister had also died right before her 43rd birthday. I had to run about eighty miles of that race after sustaining a significant ankle injury but was able to finish because their memories allowed me to push past physical pain and focus like never before (or since). As proud as I was of that day and what it represented, there were people that felt what I’d done was arrogant, self-serving, and foolish. As odd as it is to run one hundred miles for any purpose, I ran that race because of something I heard in my childhood.
My aunt lost my cousin to leukemia at age two. She was slightly older than me at the time, so I do not remember her other than from pictures. However, I recall vividly my aunt telling me that the hardest part of her death was that people stopped bringing up her name and it was as though they’d forgotten her. When my brother-in-law died and then my sister followed close behind, I feared they would be forgotten too. I took something I knew (running) and tried to carry their names through that because it was all I could think of and manage at the time. However, I have now evolved to a point where I take a piece of their personality that made them special and apply it in my own life to continue that legacy. That is how I now proudly honor them, but it took many miles to get there.
Something to remember. When it comes to the development of habits, good and bad ones progress differently. Developing positive habits that benefit you and enhance your life usually progress slowly. They need to be nurtured over days and weeks while demonstrating their benefits for you to effectively adopt them. Often, these new ways of doing things are being substituted for more comfortable ones and thus can be difficult to maintain initially but are worth it in the end.
Bad habits on the other hand move fast. In fact, my feeling about these is that two in a row are dangerous and has you on a bad path. For example, if you skip a workout today because you’re tired or sore and then another one tomorrow for a similar reason, you are on a slippery slope to not working out again for months or years in my experience. None of us are perfect and we’ll make many errors. However, cut those mistakes off immediately and don’t allow them to multiply. This will help you preserve your good habits while keeping the poor ones at bay.
Some quotes I Love.
“This is what people don’t see. They don’t know that it takes every piece of us to get here, but that’s why we do it. We need to feel that.” – this was said to me as I sat on a bench crying looking at pictures of my sister and brother-in-law after that one-hundred-mile race. To this day, I do not know whether the man that put his arm around me and told me this was real or imagined because he just seemed to disappear, but I remember the words exactly.
“If you want a happy marriage, you need to hear this. A father’s calm is his family’s greatest anchor. Be the safe haven they run to, not the storm they escape.” – Jason Schnitzer
“Brick by brick. Day by day. A win is a win.”